Well, here we are. Another year, another indictment. And another Comey. In our previous reporting from last October (St. James the Pious, M&ob 12 Oct 2025), we revealed that there are at least three Comey gholas in existence. Three that we have positively identified. Now, if you want the back story on each of these, go back to the original article. I'm not going to spell out the whole thing here. For our purposes today, we shall refer to these as:
Comey 2.0 - Stretch MC
Comey 3.0 - Huff
Comey 4.0 - Beeftits
When last we left this drama, Beeftits was shuffled through an Alexandria, VA courtroom, answering a charge that no one ever sincerely believed would be prosecuted to any conclusion. And it wasn't. No, that whole thing came and went like a Cleveland Browns starting quarterback. For any out there who are actually surprised by this, I can only ask: "New to this planet, are ya?"
Our conclusion in St. James the Pious was that Beeftits would definitely be swapped out for one of the other Comeys. At the time I put my money on Huff, the Estonian. Now, though the prize remains the same, the game has changed. New charges. New Court. From a Grand Jury, no less. Yet there is one other difference greater than all these. St. James' guide and mentor, Agent Mueller, has passed to the next realm. But not before concluding some unfinished business...
Navigating through the spirit world, Agent Mueller manifest himself in Mindanao to appear before Stretch MC.
"Gonna have to bring you back to DC, Jimmy Boy! It's for the Bureau..."
And with a long, puppy-dog face Stretch pouted and acquiesced to what he perceived to be an order. He would fly back to Washington. He knew what had to be done.
Agent Mueller manifest one more time before finally shuffling off this mortal coil. He appeared before Beeftits to break the news.
"Gonna have to send you to Mindanao, Beeftits. You're going to be Stretch MC's twin sister, Shelly. You'll be taking over as the front for the act. We'll just say that Stretch had... an unfortunate accident."
Beeftits blanched, mortified to learn his fate. Her fate? Whatever...
"Oh... I can't go there. That's a socially retarded area! I... I'm not passable yet! Do you have any idea what they'll do to me?"
Mueller shrugged. "I terminated your source material. That's a risk I'm willing to take."
And with that he was no more. Agent Mueller had executed his final rearguard in defense of his beloved Bureau. And in the unlikely event of a conviction for anything, Stretch MC will be given as the sacrificial lamb. Beeftits will eventually dissolve into the most remote jungle, where he will be worshipped as a goddess by a tribe of cannibals.
So, what of Huff, then? Comey 3.0. I really thought he was the natural. Agent Mueller knew something we didn't. It turns out that working as a quality control inspector in an Estonian boat varnish factory, is roughly the equivalent of huffing two tubes of airplane model glue per day. Huff's brains are like warm cottage cheese. And I don't think there are any other Comeys. By now, I think they have decided that it was time to break that mold.
The world is arguably a safer place than it was two years ago. Emphasis on the "er". It's still kind of a shit show, overall, but at least we can rest easy on two counts. We can be assured that the tensions of the once volatile Baltic boat varnish trade will be stabilized, in no small measure, by the presence of Huff there at his post. And secondly, we can be assured that the illusion of anyone actually being held accountable for the crimes of St. James the Pious, will remain just that. An illusion.
No comments:
Post a Comment